It's February. I went back to work part time in November. Some days I love the work, others I could claw my eyes out for feeling trapped and unhappy. My mood swings are not what they were a year ago. I don't cry much anymore. In fact, I don't feel a whole lot, other than uncertainty.
So why do I stay now?
Where would I go? What is self respect worth and will it alleviate loneliness? I don't want to be the 56 year old single lady. If I lived alone I would become a hermit. If I lived alone I would have a neat little house or condo with a few things that I carefully mind and I would go out once a week and shop. I wouldn't have the financial security I have now. I wouldn't have a good friend who keeps me from becoming a hermit, who shops with me, and cleans house with me.
Where would I go?
Leaving wouldn't solve whatever the problem is. Pride is cold. I've already been disrespected and humiliated. There's simply not much pride left to salvage. I'm beaten.
