My husband is a smart man. He grasps concepts quickly. His Bachelor's degree kept him pretty busy. He was a wizard with something I had never spent much time on, the computer.
The phone would ring and the woman would say, "Can I speak to Bill?" I always found this annoying. As a woman in the military I was very aware that when I called my subordinate's homes and their wives answered, I needed to let them know who I was. I wouldn't call another woman's home and demand to speak to her husband.
After talking to this woman on the phone my husband would tell me his study group was meeting and he would take off. This grew very old, very quickly.
The phone would ring and the woman would say, "Can I speak to Bill?" "Who's calling?" I asked coldly. "This is Shelley." "He's not in," I lied. I was becoming very suspicious of this woman. We had words over her calls. Why, I asked, is she rude and why when she calls must he leave? My husband was so patient when I mentioned this. "It's my study group." So why doesn't anyone else ever call? I dunno, he replied.
One night she showed up at the front door. My husband ran down the stairs and stepped outside. He shut the door behind him. I thought about opening the door and inviting this woman in, but I couldn't do it. He came back inside.
What was that all about? Homework. Why didn't you invite her in? Didn't think of it. You stood out there in the cold and didn't think of inviting her in? Yeah, I guess. I felt my temper ramping up. Nothing seemed right about this situation. Why don't you invite the study group here? We can't study here! Why doesn't anyone else ever call you? Why do you leave the minute she calls?
She needs my help! He finally snapped. Her husband got transferred out of town and she's here all alone. She needs my help because no one is here to help her! Warning bells screamed. Vulnerable woman in jeopardy. I've seen enough movies to know how this works. How does one make this feeling known without sounding heartless?
She needs to learn to take care of herself. Let other classmates help her once in a while. I have traveled all over the world and always took care of myself. YOU'RE DIFFERENT, he replied. You're different.
I'm different? How? You can take care of yourself. Well she should have moved with her husband if she couldn't take care of herself. She has a child. So what? More reason to stay with her husband. Who helps your other classmates with their homework? You're just mean, he stated.
Are you sleeping with this woman?
No! Oh, no! How could you think that? Some people like to help others. Some people care about others. Then care about her here, bring your study group here. I can't demand where the group goes! The group decides where to study.
Look, there are certain conventions that are followed. A married man doesn't spend this much time with another woman unless his wife is included. It is not acceptable. Acceptable to who? To you? You just don't get it....you just don't care about other people.
I am not sleeping with her! She needs my help, what don't you understand about that??
This was getting nowhere. Was I overreacting to a husband who was really a nice guy? My gut said no, my brain tried to override it. I didn't want to think he would do this to me. I found out her address.
One day I called my husband at his office. He wasn't in. I drove to her apartment. His car was outside. I thought I would throw up. I wanted to run away but I walked to her apartment and knocked at the door. No answer. No sound from inside. I knocked again. Nothing. I had to go back to work.
That night, my jaw tight, I asked him where he had been. Nowhere. Then why was your car at her apartment building? Oh, that! I forgot, I had to drop off part of my project. Why doesn't she come get it. Why did you have to go inside. I just stepped inside for a minute, how long did you wait out there? I couldn't tell him I had gone to the door. I couldn't tell him. I was sick to my stomach.
You're blowing this out of proportion, he told me. Between work, school, and working on the house, I don't have time to cheat! Why can't you understand she needed help?
The phone calls stopped. I never heard from her again. I pushed my fears to the side. I didn't forget them, I boxed them up and put them on a shelf and labeled them "Fear."
