What is normal and what is not in a marriage? When do minor annoyances become pathological behaviors? Is it me, or is it really him?
This habit of abandoning me and ignoring me when we went out continued. I complained about it and he told me to grow up and start socializing.
It wasn't just that he talked to others, he would become annoyed when I found him and tried to hold his hand or participate in conversations. Later he would deny he was annoyed. He would say he didn't remember scowling or walking away or refusing to hold my hand. It must have been me.
Why could I always find him with guys half his age? The ones who were competing for the single women. The ones who were bragging about their sexual conquests. Why was he always the loudest, the most sexual, the most bragging? Why was he so attentive to the young women? How come he could find humorous things to talk about with them but not with me, his wife? Those were his troops he would say. He needed to be around them and let them know they could talk to him. It must have been me.
We disagreed about his daughter. When she came to visit he devolved into an adolescent. One of our biggest disagreements concerned this statement to her as he sped down the freeway at 90mph. "It's only illegal if you get caught."
I was horrified. Are you her father or her friend? What kind of role model are you? Don't you see what you're doing? If you want to speed, fine, but don't make it glamorous to you daughter. Why would you want your daughter's admiration as a rule-breaker instead of her admiration as a father? He simply denied he was doing that.
He never denied anything with passion or anger. He was always vaguely bemused. He would look at me completely unfazed by my accusations and deny them and then move on.
Looking back these behaviors seem like a warning. At the time my husband's behavior was pretty mild compared to what I witnessed among military men. It must have just been me.
