There were other signs. That's easy to say and it's not as if I didn't notice them when they happened. But what did they mean?
My husband often took credit for things I did. When I wrote an article for the base paper but never submitted it, he did...but with his name on the byline. When I discovered a new band or some off-beat TV show, he could be heard telling his friends about the cool new things he discovered. When I protested he said, "Everybody does it."
When I designed home improvement projects, picked out the tile, the paint, and the fixtures, he let people praise him without mentioning my part in it. When I protested he said, "WE did it, honey, WE did it," meaning, when he got credit it applied to both of us.
It often seemed he didn't have a personal style but relied on my style to give him substance. I thought he just needed more praise for the things he did. I praised him often. I told him I adored him. I noted how hard he worked, how he didn't drink, smoke, or gamble. How good he was with money and how kind to animals. It was never enough. He sought out people so he could show them how cool he was.
Most bothersome were the times he would talk to me about work issues and I would make suggestions about how I thought things should be done or not done. Often he ran with my ideas and the next thing I knew, he was being rewarded for some change he had instituted but I had developed. I didn't mind because he was the one who put words into action, but shouldn't he have mentioned me as a partner? We both worked in the same area, in the same career field. I would not have instituted a subordinate's idea without giving him or her credit.
The integrity of this bothered me. But life was so busy. Surely this was just a quirk and not an indication of my beautiful husband's values.
