I loved entertaining in my home. I wanted to share what we had with others. One day several old friends from a past assignment called and said they would be in town. I invited them for dinner. My husband was not home. He was traveling on Temporary Duty but I saw no issue in having two men for dinner. We were professionals.
It was a beautiful evening and we sat outside, talked over old times and drank Italian wine. I showed them around the house. When we walked into the office my husband had created my friend took one look and declared, "What is your husband doing, surfing porn? What's with the bunker?"
I was offended and surprised. Yes, what exactly was he doing? This man just gave words to something that had bothered me but been unable to address. I now knew that what nagged at the back of my mind was apparent to someone from outside. I was truly bothered and concerned.
We continued dinner and as several bottles of wine were consumed one of my friends noted he needed to stop so he could drive back to their motel. No need, I said, we have plenty of space right here and they could stay the night. My friend very kindly told me that he would never do that. The appearance of impropriety was not a good idea both for his wife and my husband.
Wow. I thought that was really appropriate. I had seen too many people's marriages fall apart because of loose boundaries between friends. This is how adults behave. They consider the implications and they make decisions based on the consequences. I appreciated this man's comment and felt chastened that I had tried to put him in a position that might appear to be inappropriate. Why was this kind of reasoning missing from my life?
