I hated my new job. It was a staff position. My boss was an independent retired E9 who never tasked me with anything. Projects would pop up and I would go to him and ask him what the scope of my authority was. He would tell me not to worry about it, he would take care of it. Back to my cubicle I would go to surf the net.
One day an old friend called me and told me a big government contractor was looking for employees and a couple of months later I dropped my retirement paperwork. It was a sudden decision. I had hoped to make E9 but it became apparent that was not going to happen. Better for me to move on. One day in December 2003 I walked across the street to the MPF and told them to start the retirement process. Two months later I was retired and two days after that I started my new job as a civilian.
Two weeks before my retirement, my father died. I had tickets go to visit him. He had been bed-ridden for two years after a severe stroke. I knew he was going downhill. One morning my sister called and asked to speak to my husband. Now that was weird. He was already at work. She called back and told me that she didn't want to be the one to break the news but since she couldn't get hold of my husband she had to. My father was dead. I was heartbroken. I loved my father.
We went home for the funeral. I could hardly bear to see my father's coffin lowered into the dark earth. He was so vital. He was such a child of the sunlight. I said my goodbyes to a wooden box and watched a lay minister giggle during the service because he forgot the words. The priest was too busy for my father's funeral.
It was hard learning about life in the civilian world. Fortunately most big contractors are made up of retired military so the transition was a bit easier. The job was challenging but I slipped into depression and I could feel it dragging me down. Menopause crept up on me. Hot flashes signaled the end of my life as a fertile and desirable female. I stopped exercising and gained weight.
I wondered every morning why I bothered to get up. Nothing was important anymore. I had no more inspections to prepare for. No classified to protect. No training to take or conduct. No performance reports to write. No airmen to counsel. No promotion test to prepare for. No deadlines. No commander demanding immediate talking papers. No crisis to avert. No free world to keep safe. God that sucked.
But you get up every morning and you find solace and satisfaction in the things you can. I made a good salary. Better than I ever expected to make in my life. My husband I went back to Italy. I traveled on work to Germany. It got better. Not great but better.
In 2005 my husband retired. He had reached high year of tenure and had to. He missed E9 by only a few points. He was devastated. I was angry at him. He got a job with the DoD and left the physical work of weapons maintenance behind. He traded his uniform for a suit and a cubicle in a dark office in a secure building. I worried about him. I knew that office. I knew those people. It was a soul killing place to me but he told me he liked it.
Less than a year later....
