As I grow older my calendar has become peppered with days marked as special. My parent's birthdays, the days they died. My sister's birthdays and the day my brother died in a car accident caused by a drunk driver. The date of my first marriage and the date of my divorce. The date I met my husband, the date we married, the date I discovered he was fucking Terri Cusic, had seen a dominatrix, had sex with a couple, surfed Craig's List sex pages, and had a very robust on line sex chat life.
The days we go to marriage counseling, the days my husband goes to Sexaholics Anonymous, the days we go to Recovering Couples Anonymous. The days we work our 12 Steps, the days we do a State of the Marriage meeting.
365 days ago today. 365 days ago I was shattered and sick. 365 days ago I could not believe I would survive and that I would still be here. 365 days ago I lost my past and had no future. 365 days ago today.
So where am I at now. I still don't know for sure. I hoped that 365 days later I would not be navigating terra incognito but I am. I am still shuffling forward, my hands out in front, feeling for dangers and pitfalls, hoping to see some light.
It's all so complicated.
