In 2009 I left my job as a contractor and took a civil service job that sounded wonderful. It was in training, a job I loved and it meant I would have the security that was lacking in my contractor job. I would have one boss, one office, one mission.

Unfortunately it was not as I anticipated. I loved the job but the people I worked with were largely incompetent. I couldn't understand why my boss kept hiring people who were incapable of making decisions or of thinking creatively. He failed to support us when we needed it. I chaffed at the restrictions and the annoyance of dragging my coworkers to think outside the box.

I was approaching the end of  my coursework in grad school and looking forward to starting my internship. We had changed programs from Marriage and Family Therapy to Mental Health Counseling and the requirements had changed too. It became apparent to me that I could not work full time and do 20 hours a week of internship. I didn't have that kind of energy anymore. Since I disliked my job, in 2010 my husband and I decided I would quit work and concentrate on my year-long internship.

It wasn't an easy decision. My husband was worried about making ends meet but I reminded him that we did fine when he was out of work. I needed the time to really concentrate on my new profession. I realized that I was getting older and needed to really immerse myself in the profession. In May 2010 I left my government job (without any regret!) and started my internship at a substance abuse treatment hospital.

This was not the position I wanted but it was difficult finding a place to work at. The list the school gave us was out of date. I had no idea where to begin and my first few interviews were awkward. We had only six weeks to find a location and I just barely found my site in time.

For the first time in years I was truly excited about doing something! I loved counseling! I could not believe I was actually doing what I had dreamed of doing for so many years. I knew I would not ever make the money I had as a contractor but I also knew I could work at this profession for many more years. I dreamed of having my own office and my own clients. Once licensed my husband could retire and with my income and our retirements and savings we would live the good life!

At the same time I noticed my husband became less happy. He more often complained about his boss when he came home from work. I offered him my best advice but it made no difference. He was miserable. He started looking for new jobs. Sadly, my husband's aggressive nature had burned many bridges. One of the hardest times was when a man my husband had hired got a job and a promotion that my husband applied for. I didn't know how to help him. We had often talked about his aggressive nature and his lack of filters when he criticized people but my husband only defended his actions. He said others didn't understand that he was right.

And he was right. My husband is a very smart man but I was often appalled by his lack of sensitivity to others. He had no empathy and when others expressed remorse over someone's misfortune my husband would make really thoughtless and cruel comments. I hated this side of him but he was so sensitive to me and he loved our dogs.

I suspected this was a front my husband put on to cover some deep insecurity in himself. I had an inkling of my husband's past. His family was not healthy. He had hinted at abuse when he was a child. I wanted to know more but I didn't want to disturb what my husband seemed to have come to terms with.

Friends made jokes about my husband's lack of sensitivity. They seemed to think it was just a part of his personality that made  him who he is. I tried not to make a mountain out of what might be a molehill. I ached for my husband because I saw him limit himself because of his behaviors. I didn't understand this self-destructive part of him but I loved him and supported him in all he did. Who's perfect? Don't we all struggle with personality deficiencies? I am not exempt.

I really didn't put two and two together. I probably didn't want to.