The Blackberry. Hated device. Evil interloper. Divider. Enabler.
One evening as I walked past the desk where the Blackberry held court it buzzed. I looked at it and saw it lit up. I picked it up to see an email that read, "It's cold here in the command post." As I tried to see who it was from my husband literally flew across the room. Put it down, he yelled. I did.
What the hell? He grabbed it up and hugged it close. What the hell, I asked? Why so touchy? There's classified on this that you can't see, he whined.
Oh, come on, now. My husband and I had shared a Top Secret clearance for many years. We shared a lot. I knew classified emails were encrypted and that he wouldn't get them on the NIPR net. Classified emails came via a secure line. So what was so important I couldn't see on his Blackberry?
The police blotter, he told me. I was incredulous. The blotter? You're kidding. No, he scowled at me. There are social security numbers and you don't have a need to know. I'm sensitive to need to know stuff but my husband had never given a shit about that in the past. Not with me. We shared a classified career field. I had no interest in the police blotter or social security numbers. What did he think I was going to do? Steal someone's identity?
I had seen this kind of panic before. My sister is an alcoholic and once I took her to the hospital after a seizure. I walked into her room with her purse (I had already found the bottle of gin in it) and when she saw me with it she practically pulled the IVs out of her arm in an effort to wrest it from me. She was panicked I would know her secret. She was angry and panicked. I saw the same emotion in my husband's eyes.
I was angry. I challenged him. He got angrier then refused to speak. I should have pressed the issue. I should have put my foot down right then. I should have...I should have...I should have...
But I didn't. I let it go. I brought it up many times and every time he blew it off. Why was he so afraid I would see his Blackberry? Why could he never put the damn thing down?
I hated that fucking thing.
